


you coming back to me is against all odds

by blackrose1002, BlackVultures



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Blood and Injury, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Time, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Stitches, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 18:55:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18675508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrose1002/pseuds/blackrose1002, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVultures/pseuds/BlackVultures
Summary: That was why Mac was done pretending – he would put on a smile when at work and if anybody asked him, he would reply it was all good – but then, in the evenings, sitting on the couch in Jack’s apartment, surrounded by memories of Jack, Mac wouldn’t hide, letting the tears fall freely while his chest burned with guilt and regret.Or the one where Jack is gone hunting Kovacs and Mac really isn't doing as well as he'd like everyone to believe.





	you coming back to me is against all odds

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!
> 
> It's Kaja here, aka blackrose. Once again, [BlackVultures](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVultures/pseuds/BlackVultures) and I are coming to you with a brand new fic - only this one is much more angsty and painful than our shaving kink fic. Actually, this fic is exactly something you'd expect from two angst demons like us - and we're not sorry, enjoy the pain. 
> 
> This fic is inspired by [this](https://dont-stop-believin-in-klaine.tumblr.com/post/183114070404/do-you-guys-think) post on tumblr - so Sam and I are not the only ones to blame!
> 
> I was the one to put this monster together, that's why it got so fucking long. Also, forgive me for all the typos, I missed something for sure while I was editing.
> 
> The title is from the song "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins.
> 
> Anyway, enough of rambling, let's get to the fic! We really hope you like it!

The first time Mac had visited Jack’s apartment had been two weeks after Jack had left. It had been Mac’s day off and he had grown tired of sitting in the house by himself – after Bozer had moved out, Mac had started getting bored much quicker, plus he had never liked spending too much time only with himself. Everyone had had other plans, Riley with Elwood, Bozer with Leanna, so Mac had decided to go to Jack’s apartment – he had promised him he would look after it and check up on Jack’s stuff from time to time, so really, Mac had gone there just to keep his promise to Jack.

At least that was what Mac had been telling himself, insistently trying to make himself believe that had been the only reason.

He hadn’t stayed long then. He had double-checked every room, had made sure all of Jack belongings had been exactly where Jack had left them, safe for the cigar box with Jack’s dad’s dog tags that had been securely tucked underneath Mac’s bed ever since Jack had asked him to look after it while he was gone.

The second time Mac had gone to Jack’s apartment had been after a mission, a mission that had gone all kinds of wrong before finally going right, a mission that had almost ended in a disaster. And Mac’s head had been full of tangled thoughts, a big mess of what ifs or almosts, and the second he had stepped into his dark and empty house, Mac had known he couldn’t stay there. With a pang in his chest, Mac had realized what he had needed; he had needed the one thing that could make anything better, the one _person_ that could fix the mess in his head.

He had needed Jack.

And that realization had hurt, it had hurt so badly that Mac had had to lean against the wall and breathe in and out a few times to try and ease the pain in his chest. It had been a familiar ache, the one that Mac had gotten used to since it had a habit of sneaking up on him every now and then ever since Jack had left, and the sudden urge to feel Jack close to him in any way possible had prevailed and before he had known it, Mac had been standing in the middle of Jack’s apartment. And being there, surrounded by Jack’s furniture and his ridiculous decorations, it had made it hurt so much more, but Mac had been okay with that as he had sat down on Jack’s couch, his eyes blurring with tears, wishing more than anything that Jack hadn’t left.

Mac’s visits to Jack’s apartment had become a lot more frequent after that. Whenever he was feeling lonely and missed Jack more than usually or whenever a bad or a tiring mission happened and Mac just needed to feel closer to Jack, he would go to Jack’s place and spend hours on the couch, sometimes even falling asleep and spending the night.

That second reason was exactly why Mac was currently fumbling with the keys to Jack’s apartment, balancing the pizza box and the six-pack in his other hand. They had just gotten back from a mission in Italy and some of the things that had happened during that op could have been easily used for a plot for another Die Hard movie, and all of that had made Mac miss Jack so much that he had known right away that he would not be spending the evening at his own house.

Settling down on the couch, Mac set the food and beer on the coffee table before his mind inevitably drifted to thinking about Jack, as it always did when he was at his apartment. It had been six months since Jack had left, six months since Mac had seen his face and had heard his voice, and the mere thought of his partner was enough to bring tears to Mac’s eyes. There were no words to express how much he missed Jack and the ache in his chest was something Mac had gotten used to – it was a constant feeling that accompanied him every day. Reaching for the beer bottle, Mac took a sip, wincing as he swallowed, the beer leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He wasn’t a fan of this particular brand, in fact, he actually hated it – but it was Jack’s favorite. It was a habit Mac had picked up, getting Jack’s favorite beer and also Jack’s favorite pizza – with ham and pineapple – one that Mac also hated, but forced himself to eat anyway.

Because doing that, drinking Jack’s beer and eating his pizza, it reminded Mac of Jack and it made everything hurt so much more, and that was exactly what Mac was going for.

Because it was all his fault that Jack had left and Mac deserved all the pain caused by it.

Mac knew something had broken between them when Mac had decided to run away from his problems like a coward that he was and hide in Nigeria, away from his father and away from anyone else.

Away from Jack.

After he had come back, Mac could feel things had been off, but he had hoped that with some time everything would go back to normal and that they would put it all behind them and move on, going back to being completely in sync.

But that never happened.

To someone who didn’t know them, everything had probably looked just fine and there had been no denying that in the field, during the missions, they had been doing okay; not perfect, but okay. But back home in Los Angeles, Mac could feel the distance between them, could see that Jack’s eyes had been more guarded than before and that Jack hadn’t spent as much time around Mac as he had before Mac had upped and left to Nigeria. For some reason, Jack had been pushing Mac away, and for some time Mac just couldn’t figure it out, until the realization had dawned on him one day – Jack had thought Mac didn’t need him anymore. And since Mac wasn’t great with feelings he had tried his hardest to show Jack that he still needed him as much as before, that him leaving had been his own twisted way of coping with everything, and for a while Mac had thought things had been getting better between them.

But then suddenly, out of nowhere, Jack had left. He had left to hunt the ghost from his past and while Mac understood that, he also knew that his own departure had played a part in Jack deciding to leave. If Mac hadn’t left, if he hadn’t destroyed things between them, Jack maybe would have accepted the assignment anyway, but at least maybe he would have let Mac come with him.

But Mac had been an idiot and now Jack was gone. And so was half of Mac’s heart.

It had been years since Mac had stopped trying to convince himself that his feelings for Jack were purely platonic. There was no point in denying that Mac was completely, head over heels in love with Jack, had been since Jack had chosen him over going home to Texas many, many years ago in the Sandbox. He hadn’t let himself believe it then, it had taken a bit more time for him to give up and just stop lying to himself, but it didn’t matter – Jack would only ever see him as a friend. _A good friend_ , Mac thought bitterly, remembering the words Jack had said when he had called Mac to tell him he had been chosen to lead the hunt for Kovacs.

A good friend.

Not his best friend, not his partner. A good friend. It had been in that moment that Mac had realized just how badly he had fucked things up between them.

So, yes, maybe Mac was punishing himself for that, deliberately coming to Jack’s apartment, drinking that beer and eating the awful pizza, making it hurt, making himself suffer and rubbing it all in as if he was rubbing salt into an open wound. Because contrary to what Jack seemed to believe, Mac wasn’t okay without him and he was tired of pretending that everything was just fine – he had been doing that back in Nigeria, distracting himself and pretending, and what had that gotten him? Jack thinking Mac didn’t need him anymore and that Mac would be alright without him. That was why Mac was done pretending – he would put on a smile when at work and if anybody asked him, he would reply it was all good – but then, in the evenings, sitting on the couch in Jack’s apartment, surrounded by memories of Jack, Mac wouldn’t hide, letting the tears fall freely while his chest burned with guilt and regret.

Leaning back on the couch, Mac glanced at the leather jacket hanging on the armrest and he reached for it, gently running his fingers against the material. On the nights that Mac would stay the night, he would curl up on the couch and wrap himself up in that jacket, breathing in a smell of leather and imagining he could also smell the scent of Jack that was a distinct blend of his cologne, leather and gunpowder. But the jacket didn’t smell like Jack anymore, none of his clothes did – Mac knew that because he once had gone through Jack drawers and his wardrobe, rummaging through his t-shirts, but it had been too long since Jack had left and they all had lost Jack’s smell. But the scent of leather reminded Mac of Jack anyway, so he used the jacket as his blanket, sobs wrecking through his body, his fists clenching around the material as he cried himself to sleep.

And it was always there whenever he would be shaken awake by a violent nightmare, the images of either Jack’s dead body or Jack telling him to get the hell out of his life playing in his mind on repeat like a damn movie.

Making himself more comfortable, Mac grabbed a pizza slice from the box and chewed on it absentmindedly, remembering the latest mission details in preparation for something that also had become one of his little habits – retelling the events of an op as if Jack was there and could hear him. He was aware that if anyone walked in on him, they would probably think he was insane, but he didn’t care – he was hurting and he was lonely, and he honestly didn’t give a fuck about most things anymore. So, after swallowing the pizza and taking another sip of the beer, Mac began his tale, describing in detail what had happened during the mission in Italy, saying how he wished Jack had been there and telling jokes he had thought of during the op, but had kept to himself, knowing no one would have understood or appreciated them the way Jack always did.

“God, man, you would have loved that.” Mac shook his head with a small smile, describing the stunt Desi had pulled off while they had been chasing one of the bad guys. “The way she just… jumped over that car and into the shop window before taking the guy down? It was a serious John McClane move, I’m telling you.” Realizing he had nothing more to talk about, Mac sighed, the smile slipping from his lips as the dull ache returned to his chest – he was never able to distract himself from it for too long. “I wish you could have been here to see it. Or do it yourself since I just _know_ you would.” Mac added, swallowing the lump in his throat and blinking his eyes rapidly. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes _again_ and his first instinct was to stop them, but after a few seconds he remembered there was no one there, he was completely by himself, so he gave up trying, letting the tears fall freely, slowly rolling down his cheeks.

It hurt. Pretending to talk to Jack, making _Die Hard_ references, it all burned, a sharp pain spreading through his body and making it difficult to breathe. But Mac deserved nothing less, so he just sat there, arms wrapped around himself with his fingers digging painfully into his forearms, the sound of his shallow breathing being the only sound in the otherwise quiet apartment.

Until a sudden noise sounded directly behind him, making Mac jump off the couch because despite currently feeling like a pathetic excuse of a government agent and despite being a fucked up mess, Mac still had his training that was ingrained so deeply that it made him act reflexively.

But the moment he turned around to face whoever had made the sound, Mac froze completely, the words dying in his throat and the only thing Mac could think about was that he must have finally gone insane.

Because there was no way this was real and was actually happening.

Because right there, standing in the middle of his own living room, was Jack Dalton.

* * *

His whole body aching, Jack slowly made his way up the stairs leading to his apartment, the sense of familiarity spreading through him as he took in his surroundings. He hadn’t let anyone know he was back in Los Angeles even though he suspected Matty had been notified that his mission had officially been completed, but he hoped she wouldn’t immediately let everyone know. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see them right away – especially Mac – he did, more than anything. But Jack couldn’t remember the last time he slept and his head was a mess, just as was expected after an assignment like that, and Jack needed a moment to sort himself out and get back to being the Jack Dalton Mac and the rest of the team knew.

He didn’t want them to see the man he had had to become during the last six months to hunt down Kovacs.

Also, he should probably do something about the stab wound in his side he had received as a parting gift by the end of the mission when everything had gone so spectacularly sideways that any kind of medical had been out of question. And after they had landed in LA, Jack hadn’t wanted to waste any time letting the medics prod at him – he had just wanted to go home. Besides, he would be fine until morning, it wasn’t his first stab wound and it surely wasn’t his last, he could handle some pain and then take care of it after he hopefully managed to get some decent amount of sleep.

Reaching the door to his apartment, Jack was about to set his bag on the ground and search for the keys he knew he had _somewhere_ when he suddenly heard something that sounded very much like a male voice and it seemed it was coming from behind Jack’s door. Grabbing the door handle, Jack pressed it slowly, frowning when the door opened without any resistance. Surprisingly, there was no rush surging through his body at the possibility of facing a potential attacker and he didn’t reach for his gun – Jack tried to justify it with the fact that there was no sign of a forced entry, but truth to be told, Jack was just too exhausted to care. If he was being robbed on a day when he finally got back home, well, that would be something that Jack definitely wouldn’t be surprised by, considering how shitty the last six months had been.

Opening the door wider, Jack took a few slow steps inside, immediately noticing that there was someone sitting on his couch, and he knew right away that he was not, in fact, getting robbed. Because even though he could only see the shoulders and the back of the person’s head, there was no mistaking the man occupying Jack’s couch – if the blond hair wasn’t the dead giveaway, Jack would recognize that voice anywhere; the voice that currently seemed to be talking about what sounded like one of the Phoenix assignments.

What was worrying though, was the fact that Mac… seemed to be talking to himself. And he also clearly hadn’t heard Jack open the door and come in which was definitely not right since Mac was as well trained as Jack was, and Jack knew Mac was usually able to hear even the tiniest sound and catching him off guard wasn’t actually that easy.

“It was something right up your alley, Jack.” Jack heard Mac say and suddenly Jack realized that Mac wasn’t talking to himself – he was talking to _Jack,_ or at least pretending to, and the realization made something twist painfully in Jack’s chest and it made the alarm bells go off in his head because it wasn’t like Mac to do something like this. The other reason for Jack’s concern was the tone of Mac’s voice – Jack had never heard Mac sound so… empty and so broken. And when Mac let out a small laugh, a quiet, hollow sound, Jack could swear he felt his heart crack in half.

Realizing he had to announce his presence to Mac somehow, Jack waited for Mac to pause talking before making a scraping noise against the floor with his boot, and the sound made Mac jump up from the couch, instantly turning around, but the second his eyes fell on Jack, Mac froze. He was staring at Jack with wide eyes and his mouth was open, the words he was going to say clearly dying in his throat, but what also struck Jack was how _awful_ Mac looked. He was still the most beautiful and gorgeous thing Jack had ever seen, but he was pale and thinner than Jack remembered, there were dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes and his cheeks were shining with half-dried tears.

And Mac was looking at him as if he had seen a ghost.

“Mac?” Jack broke the silence after a moment of them staring at each other, and he didn’t really know what to say – something was obviously very wrong and Jack had to admit that finding Mac at his apartment had caught him off guard. “You okay, buddy?”

Suddenly, as if hearing Jack’s voice had snapped something inside of him, Mac lunged forward, leaping over the couch in one swift motion, and Jack had only seconds to drop his bag on the floor before Mac crashed into him, burying his face in Jack’s shoulder. Without hesitation, Jack wrapped his arms around Mac’s waist, holding him closely as Mac started shaking uncontrollably, loud sobs wracking his body, and if Jack had been worried before, now he was absolutely terrified. Mac didn’t cry, almost not ever, and even if he did, he only shed a few silent tears before pushing it all away, so seeing him lose control like this and completely fall apart scared the shit out of Jack, but he wasn’t going to say anything, at least not yet, fearing it would only make everything worse.

Jack wasn’t sure how long they had been standing like that, but after a while he suddenly felt Mac’s knees giving out, the weight of his body dragging Jack down, so he gently lowered them both on the floor, ignoring the stab wound and his side throbbing painfully. Not knowing what else to do, Jack just held Mac who now had one arm wrapped around Jack’s neck and his other hand tightly clutching the material of Jack’s uniform, his body still trembling as he cried into Jack’s shoulder. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that Jack realized that between the gasps and heart-wrenching sobs, Mac was also mumbling under his breath, repeating something like a mantra, but Jack couldn’t make out what he was saying, the words muffled by Jack’s shoulder.

“What is it, darlin’?” Jack asks quietly, rubbing Mac’s back gently, the endearment slipping from his lips unconsciously before Jack even realized what he was saying. It took a few more minutes, but Mac’s sobs eventually started to get quieter and the shaking seemed to subside, and suddenly Jack could hear the words Mac had been repeating.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Mac sobbed quietly and Jack’s arms tightened around Mac even more if that was possible as the panic spread through Jack’s body.

“Sorry for what?” Jack forced himself to ask, his mind already going to the worst places, wondering what Mac could be possibly apologizing for that would make him fall apart like that. “Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out, buddy, we always do.”

“I’m sorry I left.” Mac whispered in a tiny, broken voice. “I’m sorry I made you leave.”

And that… was definitely not what Jack had expected Mac to say, his heart breaking because apparently Mac had convinced himself it was his fault that Jack had left. And while Mac leaving for Nigeria had hurt and had put some distance between them, Jack’s leaving had had nothing to do with that and the circumstances had been completely different. Although… Jack had to admit that making the decision to leave had been a bit easier after he had seen Mac doing just fine by himself in Nigeria, proving he really didn’t need Jack around to be okay. So Jack had honestly thought Mac would be fine after he left.

But now, seeing Mac so crushed and broken, Jack suddenly wasn’t so sure anymore. 

"Hey, Mac, hey." Jack started quietly, rubbing Mac's back gently. "I had to go, Mac, someone had to deal with Kovacs and it was my mess to clean up. You didn't make me leave, Mac, it wasn't your fault. Nothing you could ever do would make me leave." He added and Mac slowly pulled away, letting out a hollow laugh that didn't sound like a laugh at all.

"Right. Nothing would make you leave your _good friend_." Mac said, looking at Jack with red-rimmed eyes that instantly widened after the words left his lips as if he hadn't actually meant to say them out loud.

Frowning, Jack instinctively tightened his grip on Mac when he felt him trying to move away. "Care to elaborate on that one, hoss?" Jack asked, leaning in closer to Mac who was refusing to look at him and struggling to get out of his arms and presumably run away. But Jack wouldn't let that go, wouldn't let _him_ go until Mac answered the question because there were way too many emotions packed in these words for Jack to just brush it away. "Mac?" Jack tried again, finally catching Mac's wide eyes that were looking at him with in a way Jack had never seen Mac look at him, or anyone for that matter.

But before Jack had any time to try and figure out what it meant, the look in Mac's eyes morphed into something wilder and before Jack knew it, Mac was grabbing his face in his hands, staring at him for a split second before doing the last thing Jack had expected.

He forcefully tugged Jack forward and crashed their lips together.

* * *

If someone asked Mac what had pushed him to do something as colossally stupid as kissing Jack, he wouldn’t be able to answer.

He knew he had made a terrible mistake the second his lips touched Jack’s, but before he had a chance to scramble back, Jack’s arms tightened around him and suddenly Mac realized that Jack was actually… kissing him _back_. Pressing himself closer, he licked Jack’s bottom lip, letting out a small groan and instantly deepening the kiss when Jack opened up for him, his arms wrapping around Jack’s neck. Feeling Jack’s hands move from his arms to his shoulders, Mac gasped when Jack suddenly pushed him to lie on his back on the floor, immediately crawling on top of Mac without breaking the kiss, and Mac’s brain shut off completely. He wasn’t capable of thinking, there was only white noise in his head and the only thing he was sure of was that he wanted Jack and to be as close to him as possible. Moaning when Jack’s teeth tugged at his bottom lip, Mac slid his hands lower to paw at the jacket of Jack’s uniform, trying to find a way to get rid of it when suddenly Jack’s lips were gone and Jack pulled himself up, straddling Mac and grabbing his wrists to pin them down on the floor on either side of Mac’s head.

Panting, Mac just looked up at Jack who was staring at him with wide eyes and was breathing as harshly as Mac was. “What… What the hell was that, Mac?” Jack asked, his voice rougher than before and suddenly, with a pang in his chest, Mac realized that Jack kissing him back had probably been a heat of the moment thing for him and now Jack would want to talk about it and let Mac down easily, and that was something Mac couldn’t deal with. Struggling against Jack’s hold, Mac tried to get free, but Jack’s grip on his wrists instantly tightened and he pressed Mac harder to the floor with his weight. “Stop trying to run, Mac – I’m not letting you go until you tell me what the fuck is going on with you.”

Panic spreading through his body at the thought of losing Jack right after he had gotten back, Mac desperately tried to think of a way out of the situation that would fix the mess he had made without involving too much talking when suddenly something caught his eye. Shifting his head, Mac’s gaze travelled down Jack’s body, his heart dropping when he saw a red stain that was clearly blood tainting the green of Jack’s uniform on his left side.

“You’re bleeding.” Mac breathed out, staring at the blood with wide eyes, concern quickly taking over the panic he was feeling, and suddenly all that mattered was making sure Jack was okay.

“What?” Jack frowned, still pinning Mac down and looking at him in confusion, evidently not planning to let him go.

“You’re _bleeding_. Now let me go so I can take a look.” Mac tried struggling again, huffing in frustration when Jack’s grip on his wrists didn’t budge. He could, technically, flip them and then wrestle Jack to get away, but knowing that Jack was injured without knowing how serious it was, Mac didn’t want to risk accidentally hurting him even more.

“This is nothin’, man, it’s just a graze.” Jack shook his head. “I can handle a bit of a bleeding, I’m not letting you go, so you can scamper away before talking to me and telling me what’s going on.”

Clearly Jack wasn’t aware that even though Mac had felt like throwing himself out of the window before, there was no way he was going to leave now that he knew Jack was hurt, not before checking the wound and making sure Jack would be okay. Growling in annoyance, Mac kept struggling, feeling anger bubbling in his chest at the thought of Jack putting his wellbeing below Mac talking about his feelings, and when it became obvious Jack wouldn’t let go, Mac gave up.

“I’m in love with you, okay?” Mac snapped, his voice cracking, but he didn’t even care anymore – he knew he had lost Jack the second he had decided to crash their lips together. “Is that what you wanted to hear? I fucking doubt it – now let me up.”

His eyes widening, Jack’s grip on Mac’s wrists suddenly went lax and Mac didn’t waste any time, immediately breaking out of Jack’s hold and sitting up, gently pushing Jack off him so he was sitting on the floor next to him. “You’re what?” Jack asked, looking at Mac in shock, but Mac ignored him, reaching for Jack’s uniform jacket, quickly unbuttoning it and sliding it off Jack’s shoulders in his search for the bleeding. With the jacket off, Mac grabbed the hem of Jack's t-shirt before pulling it over his head and once Jack was shirtless, Mac immediately spotted the source of the bleeding, cursing internally. _Just a graze my ass_ , Mac thought bitterly, leaning in closer to take a look at a wide, deep cut in Jack’s left side, most likely caused by a knife or something equally sharp, that was bleeding quite profusely and probably hurt a lot more than Jack was letting on.

Not really that surprised that Jack was downplaying his injury, Mac sighed before giving Jack a tight smile. “Stay right here, okay? I’ll be right back.” Not waiting for Jack to reply, Mac pushed himself up from the floor and made his way to the dresser in the hall leading to Jack bedroom where he knew Jack kept his first aid kit. Grabbing it from a drawer, Mac paused, taking a few deep breaths, briefly wondering if Jack would even want Mac to touch him after he got back to the living room or want to have anything to do with him at all. Choosing to deal with one problem at the time, starting with patching Jack up, Mac took one last deep breath before heading back to the living room, only to discover that Jack hadn’t really listened to him which wasn’t shocking at all.

Instead of sitting down on the floor, Jack was standing and the moment his eyes fell on Mac, Jack was striding in his direction, and Mac was fairly certain he was about to get punched or at least yelled at, Jack telling him to leave and never coming back, so he just braced himself for the inevitable, but… it never happened.

What did happen was Jack grabbing Mac’s face in his hands, pulling him in another kiss, making Mac drop the first aid kit in shock. The kiss was a complete opposite of their first kiss just minutes before, so much slower and gentler, and also so much shorter because before Mac’s brain even registered what was happening, Jack was pulling away, looking at Mac with a vulnerable expression on his face, his right hand going to clutch his side to probably stop the bleeding. “You’re _what_ , Mac?” Jack quietly repeated the question, his voice sounding smaller and more unsure than Mac had ever heard it.

Taking a shuddering breath, Mac took in the raw expression on Jack’s face, his gaze slipping down to Jack’s hand covering the wound and the blood dribbling around his fingers before looking back into Jack’s eyes. “I’m in love with you, Jack.” He said softly and he didn’t even realize there were tears rolling down his cheeks until Jack reached with his free hand to gently wipe them away with his thumb.

“Well.” Jack started, looking at Mac with such a soft smile on his face that it made Mac’s heart hurt. “It works out well, since you know. I kinda love you too.”

Leaning into the touch of Jack’s hand on his face, Mac stared at Jack with wide eyes, not believing that conversation was actually happening. Because up until a minute ago, Mac had been convinced Jack would never return his feelings and now Jack was looking at him with all the love in his eyes, and Mac was afraid his heart would jump out of his chest any second now. Wanting nothing more than to kiss Jack again, Mac was about to lean in when he noticed the tight lines on Jack’s face, instantly remembering the wound in Jack’s side – it was barely noticeable, but Mac could tell Jack was in pain, the wound probably hurting even more from Jack moving around too much.

Forcing himself to pull away, Mac gave Jack a small smile. “How about we continue this conversation when you aren’t bleeding all over your living room?” He suggested, his smile widening when Jack huffed out a small laugh. Bending down to pick up the first aid kit from the floor, Mac hesitated for a second before tentatively grabbing Jack’s hand and tugging gently, leading him to the kitchen, warmth spreading through his chest when Jack went willingly without a word of protest. Grabbing a chair, Mac gestured for Jack to sit down and once he did, Mac crouched by his side, taking a better look at the wound and also taking a better look at Jack in general, for the first time since Jack had gotten back. Mac hadn’t noticed it before, too busy sobbing into Jack’s shoulder and then panicking, but now that he looked at Jack closely, he could see how tired Jack looked – there were dark circles under his eyes and he looked paler than usually; he was also thinner than Mac remembered, and all of that made Mac’s heart clench painfully because he couldn’t even imagine how exhausted Jack must have been after six months of running and chasing a terrorist all around the world.

“What happened?” Mac asked quietly, opening the first aid kit and slowly starting to clean the wound, murmuring an apology when Jack flinched with a hiss.

“Well, long story short, Kovacs is dead.” Jack started, exhaustion seeping through his voice and bringing out his Texas drawl that was always more noticeable when Jack was really tired. “And we were already wrapping things up when we were jumped by the remains of Kovacs’ men and one of them managed to get me with his knife.” Jack sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “We needed to get out of there, so there was no time for medical and once we landed here in LA, I just… All I wanted was to get home. I figured I’d deal with it in the morning.” He said, answering the question Mac was about to ask about why on earth Jack hadn’t had anyone patch him up sooner.

“The good news is, the cut is clean, but the bad news is you’re gonna need stitches.” Mac said, looking at Jack with arched eyebrow, not even suggesting going to a hospital because he knew Jack would never agree to it. Receiving a small nod from Jack, Mac started rummaging through the first aid kit that was stocked like a small hospital, fairly certain he had seen an anesthetic syringe somewhere in there. Letting out a triumphant sound when he found it, Mac uncapped it with his teeth before pressing the needle against Jack’s skin.

“God, you doing that shouldn’t be so attractive.” Jack let out a small chuckle and Mac’s hand suddenly trembled, almost making him stab Jack much harder with the needle than he had intended. “Then again, everything about you is attractive, so I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Feeling the blush color his cheeks, Mac looked up at Jack who was glancing at him with a big smile that seemed to brighten his entire face even despite the tired eyes and the dark circles underneath them, and Mac couldn’t help the rush of affection suddenly surging through his body. Taking a deep breath and making sure his hands were once again steady, Mac started stitching Jack up, suturing being an useful skill he had learned from his grandfather and had perfected over the years of working and getting in trouble with Jack.

“You’ll live.” Mac said a few moments later after he was done, admiring his work for a second before dressing the wound and getting up from the floor, cleaning all the medical waste. Now that he didn’t have anything else to occupy himself with, his mind went back to not entirely believing that all of this was happening, that Jack not only was back, but that he also returned Mac’s feelings.

Hearing footsteps behind him, Mac turned around just in time to see Jack stepping closer and he didn’t even realize his hands were slightly trembling until Jack covered them with his own. “Think we can continue that conversation now?” Jack asked softly and while Mac wanted nothing more, he realized there was something else he needed to do before they could pick up where they left off.

“I think… I think I owe you an explanation first.” Mac sighed, not looking forward to it because he knew it was going to be uncomfortable, but Jack deserved to know the truth. “You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“I already think you’re crazy, man.” Jack instantly replied with a grin, one that Mac loved the most, and he couldn’t help but smile back, huffing out a laugh, even despite being nervous about telling Jack everything.

“I… I really missed you when you were gone, you know.” Mac started quietly, not looking into Jack’s eyes and keeping his gaze trained on Jack’s shoulder instead. “And I was feeling lonely, so I started to come here to… I don’t know, feel closer to you? It was the worst after the missions when sometimes I just… needed to talk to someone about what happened. No, not someone.” Mac quickly corrected himself. “I needed to talk to you. But since I couldn’t… I figured coming here was the second best thing. And then I also started bringing your favorite beer and that awful pizza with pineapple because… well, it made me think of you. And it made me feel like you were right there next to me, at least for a short moment.”

Glancing at Jack, Mac discovered that Jack was looking at him with such a raw expression on his face that it made Mac’s heart stutter. Swallowing down, Mac wondered if he should tell Jack about how he also had done all of that because it had made missing Jack hurt so much more and that it had been exactly what Mac had wanted. Realizing that Jack deserved the whole truth, Mac took a deep breath, ready to keep talking when suddenly, Jack let go of his hands, instantly wrapping his arms around Mac and pulling him in a tight hug, burying his face in Mac’s hair. And in that moment, wrapped in Jack’s tight embrace, Mac suddenly realized that Jack _knew._ Jack had figured him out and he knew exactly what Mac had been doing to himself during these past six months and Mac discovered he really wasn’t surprised by that – Jack knew him, knew him better than anyone and was so much smarter than most people gave him credit for, and he had always seemed to know exactly how Mac’s brain worked.

Mac wasn’t sure how long they were standing like that, but suddenly, he felt Jack’s hands shaking against his back, and he immediately pulled back to look at Jack’s face, worried that Jack was in pain or that something else was wrong. “I’m so sorry, Mac.” Jack said quietly before Mac had a chance to speak, his voice low and hoarse. “I thought… I thought that maybe you would be okay once I left, but you clearly weren’t and you nearly drove yourself to insanity, and… god, I’m so sorry.” Jack shook his head, his eyes shining with regret, his hands moving from Mac’s back to hold him by the waist.

“It wasn’t your fault, Jack.” Mac said quietly, giving Jack what he hoped was a reassuring look and resting his hands on Jack’s shoulders. “All that matters is that you’re back now.”

Sighing, Jack shook his head again, clearly not convinced before tugging Mac a bit closer. “I missed you so much.” Jack breathed out, looking at Mac with a vulnerable expression on his face. “Wherever we went, I was constantly lookin’ for you to tell you a joke or get down when things were starting to get heated.” Jack let out a small chuckle. “I even used to say something ridiculous on purpose, expecting your voice to pipe up and correct me. The guys on the team thought I was nuts.”

“During some of our missions I often found myself turning around and almost asking you for your phone.” Mac grinned, eliciting another chuckle from Jack. “And whenever I was about to do something… well, crazy, I expected to hear you telling me I was out of my mind.”

“From what I heard you pulling some crazy stuff happened quite a lot during these six months.” Jack said, his eyes immediately widening as soon as the words left his lips as if he hadn’t planned on saying them out loud.

“What?” Mac frowned. “How… how could you possibly know that?”

“I… I have a confession to make.” Jack said after a second, looking at Mac hesitantly. “I… called Desi almost every week while I was away. To check on you.”

Feeling as if the world had stopped around him, Mac stared at Jack with wide eyes. “What?” He breathed out, his body still frozen in shock because Jack had been gone for six months and as far as Mac knew, no one had heard a word from him while he had been away. At least that was what Mac had thought – until now. “Why… why wouldn’t she tell me about it? Why didn’t you call me instead of her?” Mac asked, the hurt evident in his voice, but he didn’t have it in him to care about that.

“I asked her not to tell you.” Jack replied quietly and he must have seen the hurt flash in Mac’s eyes because he instantly moved one of his hands to cup Mac’s cheek. “Mac, I’m sorry, but I… I didn’t think I would be able to keep going and stay away from you if I heard your voice.” Jack said, tears shining in his eyes. “And I knew that talking to you… it would make my heart break all over again and I knew that if I was distracted by that pain, I would inevitably get myself killed and never get back to you.”

Processing all of the new information, there was a part of Mac that was astonished that he seemed to have the same profound effect on Jack that Jack had on him – it really was true what Bozer and Riley kept saying, they really were too codependent for their own good. Reluctantly, Mac also admitted to himself that he couldn’t be too mad at Jack about what he had done – if their roles were reversed, if he was forced to be apart from Jack, hearing his voice would probably ache more than anything, so Mac most likely would have done the exact same thing.

Suddenly, with a painful jolt in his chest, Mac realized that he _had_ done the exact same thing.

In Nigeria.

Actually, what he had done was way worse. Because he had been ignoring Jack’s calls and not replying to any of his messages, knowing that any form of contact would have hurt worse than any kind of torture. But that hadn’t stopped him from calling Bozer and asking about Jack every single time while also begging Bozer not to mention any of that to Jack.

“Oh, god.” Mac breathed out, the realization dawning on him, his hands tightening on Jack’s shoulders. “I did the same thing when I was in Nigeria. Only…” Mac swallowed down harshly, feeling the shame burning up in his chest. “Only you couldn’t talk to me because you left to be a hero and save the world. And I left because I was a coward, and I was being so selfish, ignoring your calls and messages. God, you deserve so much better than this.“ Mac squeezed his eyes shut, too scared of seeing the realization show in Jack’s eyes that maybe Mac was right.

“Hey, hey, none of that.” Jack instantly cut him off, pulling him closer and pressing their foreheads together. “You and me, we’ve both made mistakes. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to let those mistakes ruin our shot at this.”

Not able to stop himself, his heart bursting with love and affection, Mac just had to kiss Jack after hearing that. Wrapping his arms tightly around Jack’s neck, Mac crashed their lips together and Jack made a wounded, desperate sound in the back of his throat before pulling Mac even closer, his one arm going around Mac’s waist while sliding up his other hand and tangling it in Mac’s hair. Licking over Jack’s bottom lip, Mac slipped his tongue into Jack’s mouth the second Jack opened up for him, deepening the kiss and moaning softly when Jack tugged on his hair. Feeling Jack take a step backwards, his arm around Mac’s waist tugging him gently, Mac went willingly as Jack started backing them towards his bedroom, his lips never leaving Mac’s, and Mac was feeling dizzy, his mind still trying to comprehend that all of that wasn’t just some kind of a cruel dream that Mac would wake up from any second now.

Too focused on kissing and devouring each other’s mouths, neither of them realized their sense of direction was slightly off until Jack’s back slammed against the wall next to the doorway leading to the hall. Feeling Jack wince against his lips, Mac forced himself to pull away, looking at Jack with concern. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” Jack instantly replied, pulling Mac into another kiss, but Mac didn’t miss the pained expression on his face, no matter how hard Jack tried to hide it.

Leaning back, Mac ignored Jack’s whine of protest and gave him one last chaste kiss before smiling softly. “As much as I’d like to keep going…” Mac grabbed Jack’s hand, tugging him away from the wall. “Maybe we should pick this up in the morning? You know, so you don’t bleed all over me?” Smiling wider when Jack snorted out a laugh, Mac did his best to ignore the sudden feeling of dread. He had jokingly mentioned the morning, but there was still a part of him that was worried Jack would reconsider and wouldn’t want him to stay – and Mac certainly wasn’t going to presume he was allowed to stay now that Jack was home. But he would also be damned if he didn’t make sure Jack was okay before making himself scarce, so when Jack started walking towards his bedroom, Mac followed right behind, watching Jack carefully in search for any kind of pain or distress.

Once they reached the bedroom, Jack stepped inside while Mac lingered by the doorway, suddenly unsure what to do. As if he sensed his hesitation, which he probably did, Jack turned to look at him, rolling his eyes fondly before grabbing Mac’s hand and tugging him towards the bed. “So, tell me, hoss – do I have anything left to sleep in or did you steal all of my clothes?” Jack asked with a grin, startling a laugh out of Mac, as he opened one of his drawers.

“They’re all still here.” Mac replied, sitting down on the bed, trying to sound casual and failing, judging by the pointed look Jack was shooting him. “They didn’t smell like you anymore, so…” Mac added with a small shrug, feeling the blush spread on his cheeks, but Jack just laughed, taking out two pairs of sweatpants and two t-shirts before throwing one set at Mac’s head.

And then Jack put on the t-shirt, kicking off his boots and taking of his uniform pants, changing right in front of Mac, and Mac’s brain kind of short circuited because… Well. It wasn’t like they hadn’t seen each other naked before, during the many years they had worked together they had seen each other in all kinds of undress, but still, Mac’s brain hadn’t been expecting that. After putting his clothes on, Jack glanced at Mac, the corners of his lips quirking up in a smirk. “I’m gonna go brush my teeth. When I come back, I’d like to see you doing something productive and not sitting there like a gremlin.”

That and Jack disappearing in the bathroom managed to bring Mac back out of his stupor, and he quickly changed, feeling something warm in his stomach at the thought of wearing Jack’s clothes and the fact that Jack really didn’t give a damn about them basically sharing everything. Running his hand through his hair, Mac took a deep breath, trying to calm down his racing heart and it even worked, but only for a short while – once Jack came out of the bathroom, they switched, and all the calm Mac had managed to regain went flying out the window when he saw a brand new toothbrush waiting for him on the counter. He knew that wasn’t a reason to freak out, but he couldn’t help it – he still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around the fact that this night went from being the worst to the best one in his life, and not for the first time this evening Mac briefly wondered if he maybe was dreaming.

After brushing his teeth, Mac took a few more deep breaths, trying to pull himself together. Eventually, he stepped out the bathroom and back into the bedroom, his eyes immediately falling on Jack who was lying on the bed, but not asleep. When he heard Mac walk back into the room, Jack turned his head in Mac’s direction and smiled at him with that soft smile that always made Mac’s heart almost jump out of his chest.

Hesitating for only a second, Mac climbed in bed next to Jack and suddenly realized he had no idea what to do or say now. But before he could start worrying about that, Jack rolled on his right side to face Mac and loosely wrapped his arm around Mac’s waist, tugging him closer. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” Jack asked in that soft tone of his voice that Mac absolutely loved and it instantly made him relax.

“I just… I keep thinking this isn’t real.” Mac admitted quietly. “I mean, an hour ago I was pitching new _Die Hard_ plots to you and you weren’t here.”

“Damn, you’ll have to tell me these ideas again in the nearest future.” Jack grinned teasingly before the look on his face softened, matching his voice. “And well, one hour ago I was expecting to walk into my dark, _empty_ apartment, yet here we are.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Mac smiled sheepishly. “I probably almost gave you a heart attack.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’ve learned not to be that easily surprised after working with you for so long.” Jack said, the soft smile still present on his face, and Mac couldn’t help himself, reaching to touch Jack’s face gently, running his fingers against Jack’s stubble. Shifting his head, Jack kissed the inside of Mac’s wrist, looking at him with those big doe eyes, and Mac just had to kiss him again, reveling in the fact that he was actually allowed to do this now.

The kiss was slow and sweet at first, their lips moving together without any rush, but it eventually grew more urgent after a while, Mac remembering how he had been scared that Jack wouldn’t come back at all – it had been his biggest fear during the past six months, one that he hadn’t shared with anyone. Pouring all of his feelings into the kiss, Mac melted against Jack, Jack kissing him back just as passionately, pulling him even closer, and everything was just great until Jack tugged Mac a bit more forcefully, almost immediately letting out a pained sound and biting down on Mac’s lip in a way that definitely wasn’t intentional. And while Mac wasn’t against any kind of biting, it did bring him back to reality, reminding him of Jack’s wound and the stitches he had put on him not that long ago.

Pulling away, Mac was faced with Jack looking at him intently, his eyes wider and darker than before, and Mac subconsciously licked his lips before remembering why he had pulled away in the first place. “As much as I’d love to keep going… I don’t think you’re up for it.” Mac said, rolling his eyes fondly when Jack snickered. “Figuratively speaking.” He added because, well. Some parts of Jack certainly were up for it, but Mac quickly shook that thought out of his head. Actually, now that he looked at Jack carefully, he realized that maybe it was a good time to address the fact that Jack looked, to put it gently, like shit. “Have you been sleeping? Like, at all?” Mac asked quietly, his fingers still stroking the stubble on Jack’s jaw. They were all tangled up in each other now, Jack’s arm around Mac’s waist, his other hand resting on the back of Mac’s neck while Mac had his free arm draped across Jack’s shoulders, their legs entwined together, and for the first time since Jack had left, Mac finally felt warm and safe.

“Lately? Not really, no.” Jack admitted reluctantly, rubbing the skin on the back of Mac’s neck with his thumb. “We were getting to close to Kovacs, so there was no time for that.”

“How about eating?” Mac asked, raising his eyebrows. “At least I’ve been eating pizza I hate.” And more often than not throwing it up later, but that was a conversation for another time.

“Why does it feel like an interrogation?” Jack grumbled, but without real heat behind it. “And to answer your question, yes.” Giving him a pointed look, Mac just stared at Jack until he sighed a moment later. “… sometimes.”

“So we both have bad coping mechanisms.” Mac snorted, at this point not at all surprised by that. “If Riley was here, she would say something about us being joined at the hip.” And well, considering Mac was almost in Jack’s lap, that statement wouldn’t that far off the mark.

“Aren’t we though?” Jack leaned in closer to nuzzle Mac’s nose. “She’d probably add something about codependency too.”

“Well, I don’t mind if you don’t.” Mac smiled, not able to resist kissing Jack one more time, pressing a short, chaste kiss against his lips. “Now go to sleep, alright? We’ll figure out everything else tomorrow.” Receiving a nod and a smile from Jack, Mac lifted himself as much he could with Jack wrapped around him like an octopus and managed to reach the lamp on the nightstand to turn the lights off. As the room drowned in darkness, Mac lied back down, shifting a bit so he was lying on his back, tugging Jack closer to him and wrapping his arms around him. Feeling Jack rest his head on his chest and sneaking his arm around Mac’s middle, Mac briefly squeezed his eyes shut, tightening his grip around Jack and holding him closely to remember that Jack was really there. Opening his eyes after a moment and staring at the dark ceiling, Mac suddenly realized that Jack’s breathing had evened out already and it only proved how exhausted Jack must have been – it usually took him longer to fall asleep, Mac knew that from years of working together and sharing rooms and sometimes even beds together.

They had never shared a bed like that before though.

Feeling himself smile, Mac kissed the top of Jack’s head gently, not wanting to wake him, before closing his eyes and burying his noise in Jack’s hair, slowly drifting away, listening to the sound of Jack’s slow and deep breathing.

And for the first time in a long while Mac felt like all the puzzle pieces were finally in place.

* * *

Burying his face in the pillow, Jack desperately tried to hang onto the remains of sleep still lingering inside him, not wanting to fully wake up. It had been a while since he had slept so well and had felt so… warm and safe, and whatever the reason for that was, Jack really wanted it to last for at least a bit longer. He expected to hear some kind of shouting or gunfire any second now, or one of the guys from his strike team shaking him awake, but none of that came – everything was completely quiet and peaceful.

Now that Jack thought about it, it was _too_ quiet and peaceful, and that instantly put him on high alert. Blinking his eyes open, Jack took in his unfamiliar surroundings that at the same time seemed very familiar and it took Jack a second to realize that he was in his own bedroom back in Los Angeles. Almost at the same time a wave of memories came crashing into his mind, the pictures of Mac playing in front of his eyes, and Jack instantly reached with his right arm to the other side of the bed… only to find it completely empty.

Briefly, Jack wondered if all that, Mac in his apartment, kissing him, confessing his feelings, if all of that had been just a product of his imagination, but Jack quickly dismissed that thought – he was in his apartment after all and he clearly remembered getting back and finding Mac, so it couldn’t have been a dream. But now Mac was gone and Jack felt something cold spread through his chest, not able to stop the darkest thoughts from entering his mind, trying to convince him that Mac had changed his mind about them and had left so he wouldn’t have to let Jack down in person after he woke up.

His heart pounding wildly, Jack almost missed the sound of his front door being opened and closed. Before he could react though, Jack heard the footsteps echoing around the living room and all the tension immediately drained out of his body – he would recognize the sound of Mac’s footsteps anywhere. Getting up from the bed, Jack winced at the slight pain in his left side – it was still tender, but at least it didn’t hurt as much as it had the night before. After a quick visit in the bathroom, Jack headed to the living room and to the kitchen, his chest filling with relief when he saw Mac’s broad shoulders above the counter. It looked like he was completely dressed which made sense, considering Jack had heard him open the front door.

When he got close enough, Mac must have heard him because he suddenly turned around, two coffee cups in his hands, and he looked at Jack with an arched eyebrow. “So much for breakfast in bed.” Mac remarked dryly, but with his eyes shining happily, and Jack just strode over to him, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in Mac’s neck.

“I almost had a heart attack when I woke up alone in that damn bed.” Jack muttered against Mac’s skin, breathing in his smell, closing his eyes when he felt Mac’s arms circle him as well.

“I gotta stop almost killing you accidentally.” Mac said, a smile evident in his voice, and he sounded so much different than he had the night before; his voice was normal and bright, just like it should be. “Now, please, tell me you haven’t stopped loving pancakes in the last six months.”

Pulling away, Jack gave Mac a pointed look. “You can’t cook, man.” He said, remembering the many times Mac had almost burned down not only the kitchen, but his entire house while trying to cook something.

“I know.” Mac grinned, and before Jack could get distracted by how gorgeous he looked, Mac gestured at the counter behind them where Jack noticed a takeout bag from his favorite breakfast place nearby. Affection spread through his chest almost at the same time his stomach grumbled in demand of food, so Jack gave Mac a sloppy kiss before snatching the bag, the sound of Mac’s laughter following him as he dived for the table to eat.

Mac joined him right away, taking a seat on the chair right next to Jack, and they were halfway done with the pancakes when Mac’s phone that was lying on the table buzzed with a text. Unlocking the screen, Mac’s eyes swept over the message before the corners of his lips quirked up in a smile. “Matty says hi.” Mac grinned at Jack, showing him the phone with the text from Matty that actually said just that: _Say hi to Dalton for me._ “I texted her after I got up to let her know I wouldn’t be in today, but looks like she already knew.” He said and after a moment, he shrugged. “I guess that means Riley and Desi get to go out without me. They’ll like that.”

Jack was in the middle of literally shoveling the food into his mouth when the ramifications of what Mac had said registered in his brain, making him still almost immediately. Mac must have noticed right away because his eyes widened, as if he realized he probably had said something he shouldn’t have. “They’ve only been a thing for a while, although I’ve been the third wheel for way longer than that.” Mac continued, apparently figuring that he might as well keep talking since the cat was already out of the bag. “I’m convinced those two could destroy the universe.”

Jack found himself nodding in agreement because that was exactly something along the lines of what Jack was thinking. He hadn’t ever considered that kind of pairing coming to life, but now that he thought about it, he had to admit that Riley and Desi really were a perfect match – also a very frightening one and that thought instantly made Jack smile.

Realizing he would have to give Desi some kind of a shovel talk in the nearest future, Jack knew he needed to wait for the wound in his side to heal because there was no way he was threatening Desi while not being fully capable to fight her, just in case. As if he was reading his mind, Mac suddenly grinned at him, shaking his head. “Don’t go there, man, not unless you bring, like, a machine gun. She’ll nail your ass to the wall.”

“Excuse me.” Jack clutched his chest in a mock offense. “I could totally handle Desi in a fight.”

Laughing loudly, the sound making Jack’s heart twitch, Mac set his plate aside. “You keep telling yourself that.” He said, smiling a wide smile at Jack, that sunshine smile Jack loved more than anything.

And since they were done eating, there was nothing stopping Jack from leaning in and kissing that gorgeous, sunshine smile, Mac’s hands immediately going to cup Jack’s jaw, his fingers brushing against Jack’s stubble. Nipping on Mac’s bottom lip, Jack slipped his tongue between Mac’s lips, deepening the kiss which made Mac shiver and let out a small sound before getting up from his chair and climbing on top of Jack without breaking the kiss.

Hoping his kitchen chair could take the combined weight of both of them without breaking, Jack wrapped his arms around Mac’s waist, pulling away only to press his lips to Mac’s jaw, trailing lower to his neck, huffing in annoyance when the collar of Mac’s shirt got in the way. Slipping his hands from where they were resting on Jack’s shoulders, Mac started unbuttoning his shirt, but Jack couldn’t help but notice that his hands, usually so steady, now were trembling a little. “Are you okay?” Jack asked, mouthing at Mac’s jaw before locking his gaze with Mac’s, but Mac just nodded with a small smile, tilting his head to kiss Jack again.

Since Mac had already dealt with all of the buttons of his shirt, Jack reached up to take his shirt off, slowly sliding it down Mac’s shoulders, groaning when he realized Mac was wearing another shirt under the first one, and he internally cursed Mac’s penchant for wearing multiple layers. Laughing loudly above him, Mac just yanked the shirt over his head, throwing it away, and suddenly he was shirtless, straddling Jack in the middle of his kitchen, and Jack couldn’t help but stare because Mac was without a doubt the most amazing and the most beautiful thing in the world.

Getting his hair out of his eyes, Mac blushed a little under Jack’s gaze. “You’re just… so beautiful.” Jack breathed out before kissing Mac again, but before he could really get into it, he felt Mac tugging on the hem of his t-shirt. Pulling away, Jack let Mac pull the t-shirt up and take it off completely, tossing it aside before crashing their lips together again, his hands sliding up and down Jack’s bare chest, carefully avoiding the stab wound in Jack’s side. Shuddering from Mac’s touch, Jack felt Mac smile against his lips and Jack nipped on his bottom lip in revenge, sucking on his tongue, and Mac’s hips suddenly twitched involuntarily, grinding down and making them both groan.

“Bed?” Jack muttered against Mac’s lips and couldn’t help but grin when Mac immediately nodded. Usually, Jack would have picked up Mac and carried him to the bedroom, hell, he would carry Mac anywhere, but with his stab wound it probably wasn’t the best idea.

As if he was reading Jack’s mind, again, Mac slid off Jack’s lap albeit reluctantly, standing up and grabbing Jack’s hand before tugging him in the direction of the bedroom. As soon as they reached the room they were kissing again, Jack’s hands sliding down to Mac’s ass, making him gasp as they stumbled in the direction of the bed. Feeling Mac’s hands tug at the waistbands of his sweatpants, Jack let him pull them down, kicking them off and reaching for the buckle of Mac’s belt. Huffing in frustration, Jack worked on opening it, but it wasn’t that easy with him being distracted by Mac nipping playfully on his neck. Actually, it seemed that Mac was multitasking, sucking at Jack’s neck and trying to unlace his boots at the same time, letting out a triumphant sound a moment later as he kicked the boots off. Around the same time Jack also managed to undo Mac’s belt and unbutton his jeans, pulling them down and letting Mac drag him to bed once the pants were lying discarded somewhere on the floor.

Pushing Jack on the bed, Mac immediately crawled on top of him and Jack couldn’t stop the pained sound escaping from his lips when Mac accidentally put too much pressure on his left side. “I’m fine, I’m fine.” Jack said right away when Mac pulled away with wide eyes, and Jack wrapped his arms around him to bring him down for another kiss before Mac could start worrying.

Their lips moving together, Jack let out a deep groan when Mac bit down on his bottom lip, rolling his hips down at the same time. The sudden rush of affection also cursed through Jack body when he realized that Mac was leaning on his forearms, careful not to drop his weight down on Jack, but that realization quickly got pushed to the back of his mind when Mac thrusted against him again, the friction between them making them both groan. Running his hands up and down Mac’s back, Jack slid them lower, cupping and squeezing Mac’s ass, and suddenly he remembered that he hadn’t been living in his apartment for six months which meant their plans were probably about to get derailed.

“Damn, baby.” Jack gasped into the kiss when Mac sucked on his upper lip. “I don’t think we have any supplies to get this show on the road if you get my drift.”

Breaking the kiss and pulling away, Mac grinned down at him devilishly, that kind of grin that Jack had learned to associate with Mac having an ace up his sleeve; usually an explosive one, but Jack really hoped that wasn’t the case this time. “Way ahead of you.” Mac leaned down and pecked Jack’s cheek before suddenly sliding off Jack, leaving Jack staring at his ceiling in confusion while Mac rushed out of the room.

Before Jack had a chance to comprehend what was going on, Mac was back, crawling back in beside Jack and tossing a bottle of lube along with a box of condoms on the mattress. “So,” Mac started a bit out of breath from his impromptu jog into the kitchen and Jack couldn’t help but smirk, realizing that Mac must have planned this since he had picked up the lube and the condoms when he had gone out to get breakfast. “How did you want to do this? Because I had some ideas.” Mac said, clearly trying for an innocent tone, but the mischievous glint in his eyes and the smirk on his face were anything but.

“Man, you know I’m always on board with your ideas.” Jack grinned and the smirk on Mac’s face widened. Tugging Jack’s arm, Mac made him sit up and gently pushed him towards the headboard, and suddenly Jack knew exactly where Mac was going with this, quickly moving to lean against the headboard, Mac straddling him immediately. Wrapping his arms around Mac’s waist, Jack pressed a kiss into Mac’s lips before trailing his lips lower, mouthing at Mac’s jaw. His teeth grazing at Mac’s skin, Jack kissed Mac’s neck before sucking a bruise under his collarbone, slowly running his hands up and down Mac’s back while Mac pawed around the mattress in search of the small bottle that he had thrown there just a moment ago.

Remembering something, once he was done with Mac’s collarbone, Jack moved his lips even lower, mouthing at Mac’s skin until he reached the scar from the bullet that on Mac’s chest. Gently, Jack pressed a soft kiss against the scar, causing Mac to tremble in his lap, letting out a quiet moan, and when Jack looked up, Mac’s eyes were wide with lust, all the blue almost eaten up by black. Managing to get the bottle open, Mac grabbed Jack’s hand and poured some lube onto his fingers, his eyes never straying away from Jack face, making Jack shiver with want. Kissing Mac’s jaw again, Jack moved his hand, pressing his finger against Mac’s hole, rubbing it teasingly before sliding his finger in, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from Mac, his fingers digging into Jack’s shoulders. Tightening his arm around Mac’s waist, Jack kept pushing his finger in and out for a few moments before adding a second finger, making Mac gasp loudly and curl into Jack. Scissoring his fingers, Jack could feel when they brushed against Mac’s prostate and Mac moved his hands from Jack’s shoulders to wrap his arms around his neck, letting out a shaky breath against Jack’s cheek.

“Come on, Jack, please.” Mac pleaded, his voice tight, and Jack couldn’t stop the chuckle escaping from his throat, adding a third finger, groaning when in retaliation Mac bit down lightly on the space between his neck and shoulder. Moving his fingers back and forth, and stretching Mac, Jack relished in the way Mac clung to him, letting out these breathless sounds that were enough to make Jack almost lose his mind. Eventually, Mac started pawing around on the mattress, his hand finding the box of condoms, and after taking one out, Mac tore the wrapper with his teeth, the sight way hotter than Jack had ever thought it could be. Mac’s hands were shaking slightly as he rolled the condom on Jack’s cock, but before Jack could comment on it, Mac crashed their lips together again, whining when Jack removed his fingers. Reaching for the lube, Mac coated Jack’s cock in it, and Jack moaned into his mouth, the touch of Mac’s hand on his cock making his hips twitch, but before he could do anything else, Mac broke the kiss, looking at him with dark eyes and positioning himself so the head of Jack’s cock was pressed against his entrance.

Giving Jack one more short kiss, Mac slowly started sinking down, taking Jack’s cock in, his jaw dropping in a soundless gasp as he lowered himself until Jack bottomed out. Looking absolutely wrecked, his lips parted, Mac was the most gorgeous thing Jack had ever seen and he gripped Mac’s hips, forcing himself to breathe, the heat and tightness around him overwhelming him in the best way. After a moment, Mac started moving, slowly at first, grinding his hips down, and Jack wasn’t able to keep his mouth shut once Mac started doing that.

“God, baby, you’re so gorgeous.” Jack groaned, his hands clenched around Mac’s sharp hipbones so hard that they were probably going to leave bruises. “You feel so good, Mac, oh god.” Shuddering above him, Mac picked his hips up and brought them down harder, letting out this gut-punched sound that Jack had never thought he would have a privilege to hear.

Picking up the pace, Mac kept slamming his hips down, gasping as Jack babbled sweet nonsense into his neck combined with love declarations every few moments, but then suddenly, Jack heard Mac’s breath hitch and not in a good way. Pulling away from Mac’s neck, panic immediately spread through Jack’s chest when he saw Mac’s beautiful eyes fill with tears and he instantly moved his hands from Mac’s hips to cup Mac’s face. “Angus, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Using Mac’s name only seemed to make things worse, Mac shaking his head as much as he could with Jack’s hands on his face, squeezing his eyes shut and whimpering, not stopping moving and rolling his hips down again. “Darlin’, come on.” Jack pleaded because Mac was clearly falling apart and Jack needed to know what was going on.

Leaning in, Mac fit their lips together in a clumsy, earnest kiss as if he was pouring his whole heart into it. “I thought I lost you before, and now we’re here.” He whispered quietly against Jack’s lips and Jack took a stuttering breath, definitely understanding how Mac was feeling.

“I’m so sorry I left.” Jack breathed out because while he really hadn’t had a choice, he still had felt awful for leaving Mac after promising him countless times that he would never do that. There was also a part of Jack that couldn’t get over how much Mac still must have trusted him if he’s not holding up his walls, letting himself be so vulnerable in front of Jack.

Mac just shook his head and because they could basically read each other’s minds by now, Jack knew Mac wasn’t rejecting the apology, only indicating that he knew it hadn’t been Jack’s choice. “Me too.” Mac choked out, and Jack knew he was referring to the whole Nigeria mess, when it had been Mac doing the leaving, but it was okay, Jack had forgiven him for that a long time ago.

The whole time, Mac hadn’t stopped moving, although he had slowed it down a bit to little twitches that were driving Jack absolutely crazy. He could feel the head of his cock scraping over Mac’s prostate every third or fourth time, but Jack could tell Mac was holding back for some reason. Jack had a few ideas about what could be going in Mac’s brain, so he slipped his hands from Mac’s face, resting them back on Mac’s hips and covering the already forming bruises. “I love you so damn much.” Jack whispered against Mac’s cheek, making Mac breathe in shakily. “Come on, Angus, let go.” Letting out a small whimper, Mac started moving faster again, pushing himself up and slamming his hips down again, gasping breathlessly every time. Moving his one hand from Mac’s hip, Jack wrapped it around Mac’s cock, stroking in a rhythm of Mac’s hips going up and down, and it didn’t take long for Mac to make a noise deep in his chest and come, clenching around Jack, his come splattering up his stomach. His inner muscles tightening around Jack and his fingers digging in Jack’s shoulders, Mac kept moving, slamming his hips down hard and fast a few more times before Jack came as well, wrapping his arms tightly around Mac and burying his face in the crook of Mac’s neck, panting heavily against his skin as his cock pulsed inside Mac.

Jack had managed to keep his emotions fairly under control until that moment, but now, holding Mac like that, sweaty and panting in his lap after what they had just done, Jack couldn’t keep it all in any longer.

And he let himself fall.

* * *

Breathing hard, blinking away tears and sweat, Mac tried to calm down his racing heart, letting Jack hold him as they sat in silence for a moment. It took him a minute, but eventually Mac noticed that Jack was trembling against him and he immediately brought one of his hands up, his fingers rubbing through the short hair on the back if Jack’s head, and in that moment Mac realized that all of this wasn’t overwhelming just for him – Jack was as fucked up as Mac was.

Rubbing the back of Jack’s head gently, Mac waited for Jack to say something and was startled when he suddenly felt something wet against his neck. Realizing Jack was crying, Mac’s heart dropped because Jack just… didn’t cry, not really, the last time Mac could remember Jack being close to tears had been before the Kovacs mission when Jack had walked out of the war room after saying goodbye to all of them. And Mac had never been good at comforting people, but he had to try, he had to try for Jack. “Hey, Jack, it’s okay.” Mac said quietly, wrapping his both arms tightly around Jack’s neck. “I’m right here, okay?” Feeling Jack take in a shaky breath, Mac realized he hadn’t told Jack he loved him in a while, not since the night before, and while words like these usually didn’t come to Mac easily, with Jack it was completely effortless. “I love you, Jack.”

In response, Mac pretty much got his breath squeezed out of him with how tight Jack’s arms went around him, and even though it made his ribs creak a little, Mac smiled, pressing a kiss against Jack’s temple. Leaning back a little, Mac forced Jack to look at him with his red-rimmed eyes, and when he did, Mac pressed their lips together in the gentlest kiss he could muster. It was a short kiss, soft and sweet, and when Mac pulled away, Jack was looking at him with so much love in his eyes that it took Mac’s breath away. Remembering Jack was still buried inside him, Mac reluctantly moved up, Jack’s cock slipping out of him, and after Jack got rid of the condom and tossed it in a bin next to his bed, Mac pulled him down, so they were both lying on their sides, facing each other. They were sweaty and covered in Mac’s come, but for now they just lied together like that, wrapped around each other, legs entwined with Jack’s arm around Mac’s waist and Mac’s arm around Jack’s shoulders, neither wanting to let go or move.

“I love you too.” Jack muttered quietly, pulling Mac even closer. “In case you forgot.”

Feeling lighter than he had in a long time, especially since Jack had left, Mac smiled, a wide smile that he usually only reserved for Jack. “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.”

“Well, good.” Jack grinned, moving his one hand to cup Mac’s face. “I’m not planning on stopping saying it.” Tugging Mac closer, Jack pulled him into a kiss, and as their lips moved together, Mac knew he wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything.

They still had to talk about some things, but that could wait – for now, they were okay.

As long as they had each other, they would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, leave a comment if you enjoyed the fic! ♥


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